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This period represents a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive guide to the words this generation is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes partners who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal traits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {